Rory Williams is the New Chuck Norris

A while back I started a series of these jokes on the Internet Movie Database message board for Doctor Who. The meme caught on and now it has its own page on Facebook. A .gif image of several of these jokes pasted on various photos of Rory Williams eventually caught the attention of Doctor Who show runner Steven Moffat, who was kind enough to retweet the image.  I’ve decided to preserve some of the best jokes for posterity’s sake on this page, beginning with the ones I thought up:

– The TARDIS doesn’t need to refuel at the Cardiff rift any more.  It is powered by Rory’s awesomeness.

-Rory Williams cleans bed pans by scaring the crap out of them.

-The TARDIS calls Rory  “the pretty one” because there’s no Gallifreyan Word for “ultimate stud muffin”.

-Rory Williams was erased from time and it messed things up so badly the universe had to be rebooted.

-Amy Pond married Rory Williams because Chuck Norris wasn’t man enough for her.

-They built the Pandorica to hold the Doctor because trying to hold Rory Williams would be just plain stupid.

-The Silence wishes they could forget seeing Rory Williams.

-Rory Williams doesn’t need a device to time travel. It simply shifts to whatever time Rory Williams says it is.

-A Dalek begged River Song for mercy because it knew who her father was. River Song granted the Dalek mercy by shooting it in the eye instead of calling her father.

-The Daleks asked Steven Moffat to retire them because they didn’t want to fight Rory Williams.

-The House entity messed with Amy’s mind because messing with Rory’s mind would have popped the bubble universe. Loudly.

-River Song asked the Storm Cage guards to dress like Roman Centurions.  She has daddy issues.

-100 Lesbian Dinosaur women agree: Rory Williams tastes like raw Habanero and Win.

-Rome Fell because the Emperor Honorious tried to open the Pandorica while Rory Williams was guarding it.

-The Dream Lord created two dreams that were obviously fake. In one there was a cold star that violated the laws of thermodynamics. In the other Rory Williams died.

-Look up the word “loyalty” in the Dictionaria Galactica and you will see a picture of Rory Williams with the caption “Top this, bitches!”

-Rory Williams’ Jelly Babies aren’t made from real babies.  They’re made from real Dalek babies.

-Rory Williams is the only man who could father a part-Time Lord human with his wife dressed as a police woman while traveling through the time vortex in a TARDIS that thinks he’s the pretty one…in bunk beds!

-Rory isn’t worried that Amy is going to run off with the Doctor, but the Doctor is worried that the TARDIS is going to run off with Rory.

-The Gamma Forest writing translated Melody’s name as River Song because there was no equivalent word for “daughter of supreme awesomeness”.

-What’s left of the 12 Cyber Legion is now a Peruvian Folk band called Rory’s Runaways.

-Rory Williams supports recycling. When he was plastic he recycled himself into a human being.

-On the day the Doctor defeated an army in 3 minutes and 42 seconds he still took orders from Rory Williams. “Oi! You! Get in here! Now!”

-Rory Williams doesn’t need regenerations to beat death. He uses his bare hands.

-The Doctor left Demon’s Run in a hurry because he knew that Rory was about to find out he’d been sonic-ing his daughter.


14 responses to “Rory Williams is the New Chuck Norris

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